Introducing "Marrying Myself"
My new mixed-media project centering my own wisdom first.
Hello friends! I’m writing this from the backseat of my six-month-old Dodge Durango as my 15-year-old son, Samuel, drives it for the first time. For the past two months he has been learning to drive on an old, 200,000+ mile, auction-bought Subaru Outback that is eleven years older than he is. But today, on our three hour road trip to Taos, New Mexico, my sweetheart decided our boy should drive. So, here I am, white-knuckling it in the backseat of my own vehicle.
It is such a bizarre thing to watch your little baby boy morph into a man before your very eyes, seemingly overnight. This is just the latest of countless surreal moments that this phase of life has brought. Since Samuel is our youngest—his two older sisters are already off at college—I feel these milestones differently than ever before. Even as I’m having multiple mini-heart attacks here in the backseat, while Samuel navigates the traffic congestion through Santa Fe’s narrow streets, I’m doing my best to keep my mouth shut and just allow it, knowing my very capable husband is beside him in the passenger’s seat.
Lovingly allowing Samuel’s big moves towards manhood, even when uncomfortable, fits this season nicely. I have moved into a season of allowing in all areas of my life. Allowing others to choose who they want to be. Allowing myself to choose how I respond to their behavior without going down into the abyss with them. But mostly, allowing myself to step into my own power and purpose beyond people pleasing, partnering or parenting.
Which brings me to the point of this note: Introducing my new mixed-media project, “Marrying Myself,” which I quietly launched a few weeks ago.
Transformations
As I continue to support my children through their personal metamorphoses into independent adults, I am also in the middle of my own major transformation.
Most of you know that I am now a full-time author, having published five mystery thrillers in the past fifteen months. Last month, after releasing the fifth and final book of “Catalina’s Chronicles,” I became acutely aware that I needed to make some big decisions. The rising interest in my book series led to a certain amount of pressure to keep it going, to write the next mystery thriller, to stay on the hamster wheel. But I knew I needed something else.
The problem was that I didn’t know what that something else was. There was so much input coming in from all angles. New courses and offers that promised to help me find the clarity I was seeking. They were all so tempting as I always love learning new things. But then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I didn’t need more input. I needed the opposite. I needed to hear the sound of my own voice. And not just my voice in response to the external world, which has been delightfully focused on and intertwined with my beloved and the raising of our children, but my own inner voice where my deepest wisdom lives. So, I asked myself the question, “What would it be like to spend the next chapter centering my own wisdom?” The answer came surprisingly clearly: It would be like marrying myself.
Yes, that was it! “Marrying Myself.”
Before I share more about this new project, let me pause for a moment to point out that Samuel is still driving but now it’s raining and we’re on a winding mountain road between Santa Fe and Taos. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a bit more stressful here in the backseat now.
Deep breaths.
Relax. He’s got this, right?
We’re in the season of allowing, remember?
Okay, back to this post. As I mentioned above, I quietly launched “Marrying Myself” a few weeks ago, posting it on Substack, but not telling anyone about it.
The problem, I realized, is that hiding is the old way and not what I want for this next chapter. What I want is to experiment and explore out loud, but in the company of loving supporters. Which, if you are here either already on my email list or checking out my Substack because of something I wrote, you clearly are. So, in the interest of allowing myself to receive that abundant support from this wonderful community, let me share what I have posted so far:
Marrying Myself Intro
This is an audio podcast where I talk about this project, why I’m doing it and what it means to me. This intro episode is free for everyone.
MM001 Marrying Myself - First Date (Mixed-Media post)
As the name suggests, this is the first full installment of this new mixed-media project. In it you will find both writing and video snippets, including a video of me reading from my Moleskine Smart Journal.
This post is free, but there is a bonus section at the very bottom with links to extended audio and video options for paid subscribers. FYI, I do offer a free two week trial of my paid membership here:
MM001 Marrying Myself - First Date (Audio Podcast)
This is the link to that audio podcast for paid subscribers. It includes all the audio from the mixed-media post, plus some added personal commentary.
MM001 Marrying Myself - First Date (Video Podcast)
This is a video I produced covering everything in the mixed-media post, with added visuals (photos and videos) for paid subscribers to enjoy.
Confused Yet?
Let me simplify. If you want to check out “Marrying Myself,” I suggest you:
First, read or listen to this: MM000 Marrying Myself Intro
And then, choose your favorite way to check out the first episode:
Read: MM001 - Marrying Myself - First Date (Mixed-Media Post)
Listen: MM001 - Marrying Myself - First Date (Audio Podcast for paid subscribers)
Watch: MM001 Marrying Myself First Date (Video Podcast for paid subscribers)
Then, if you like what you see, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber:
That’s a Wrap!
As I wrap this up here in the backseat, I find myself both super proud of my son for successfully driving this beast of a vehicle, and also proud of myself for (mostly) allowing the rollercoaster of emotions this experience brought as his mom. When I think about it, this drive has been the perfect metaphor for the launch of my new project: a scary start, a bit overwhelming, unfamiliar roadways, some white-knuckle moments, but all necessary to get to where I am going.
Now, as I share this post and this project, they feel much messier than the perfectly curated stuff I’m used to putting out there. The people-pleasing side of my nature (or my programming perhaps) wants to explain it all over again, just to be safe. Instead, I’m stopping myself from over-caretaking and just posting the darn thing. I will allow you to figure it out if you really want to, and I will allow myself to stop seeking that validation. Instead, I choose to return to what really lights me up right now: digging out my old journals, recordings, and archives as vehicles to help me learn to center my own wisdom and embrace this new idea of “Marrying Myself.”
If you want to share your thoughts on this post, or if you have questions about this project, feel free to post them here:
**A friendly reminder that this article is the intellectual property of Rosa Linda Román. While I give permission to share quotes from it and snippets from the podcast, please only do so with a link back to this original article. You do not have permission to copy and paste my work without proper attribution and a link back to this article. Join me in fighting systems of oppression by giving credit where credit is due. I thank you for your ethical support of creators like me when sharing my work. You can do that easily by clicking this button:
I love this and am so excited for you on this journey 💖